It's very romantic, the idea of having a dog. A companion. Someone to greet me when I walk home. Someone to snuggle with all the time, not just when I'm sick or crying over my TiVo not recording last week's Welcome to Myrtle Manor (that shiz is NOT on my onDemand).
I'll get this out of the way. I love my dog and I wouldn't be able to live without him. He is a giant light in my life and I don't mind spending $400 a month on organic food, dog walkers and squeaker toys. Now that you know that....
Do not get a dog. Instead of spending your time writing, researching, painting, Meisnering or whatever you do, you'll end up staring at your dog.
"Oh look, he's sniffing the wall!"
You'll say that. And then just keep watching him.
"Oh, how cute he's laying on your backpack honey!"
You'll say that and then just stare at him.
You'll walk into your office to sit down and start writing your epic novel only to have the dog beg to be in your lap. So of course you pick him up. And then he insists on resting on your left arm, which you think is fine since you're right handed, but then you realize typing an epic novel with one hand is impossible. So you try to write it with pen and paper, but then you realize you've spent most of your life typing so writing freehand makes your joints hurt too much.
If you have a dog that doesn't fit in your lap, you won't have this problem, right? No. You will. Most big dogs I've met think they are lap dogs. He might not make it into your lap but you'll still never get to type because he'll insist on trying to make it or lick your hand, which he can reach, and your hand will be covered in the slimiest slobber you've ever encountered because big dogs slobber a lot.
All of this will happen.
You could be warming up your vocal cords, but the dog wants to be chased and then chase a ball and then chase you again.
You could be pencil drawing the Empire State Building, but you can't because you're dog is looking at you holding in it's pee and once you get him outside he'll be so excited to sniff the weeds that you don't want to ruin his fun and take him back inside.
Dogs are a time-suck.
They also teach life lessons.
You know what's the worst? Knowing that if I hand my dog a brand new rope toy, he will freak the eff out and jump for joy while holding it in his jaw. If I sit down and write a short story I'll hate myself for hours because no matter how many pages I write, I'll hate them all and they will all suck and I'll feel like vomiting because writing feels like vomiting.
And the there's the dog in the corner panting with glee because he found his bone.
And then I'm more angry.
Don't get a dog.
They are just too effing cute and adorable and crap. Much more adorable than studying
Uncle Vanya.
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| Riggins Pee-Paw Mutt-Butt Anderson aka, my dog the adorable distraction. |
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